Where do I live again?!?!

I have not forgotten weekly pictures, I just have not had time for them. As I said before, I was in Knoxville last weekend for Ben's nieces birthday party and I stayed the week. I was supposed to go home on Monday but I got a cold and was so miserable I could not drive until Wednesday. It was awful because I felt trapped there. While I miss family, I am so happy to be home.

On that note, I know that I normally just post updates and pictures on here but do you all mind if I vent for a minute (even though I am not even sure who all reads this)? As you notice, I go back to TN quite a bit. It is for a number of reasons.

1) As pretty much an only child, when I thought of family, it included my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. It pains me that I am not raising Miller with family. Since I am only 3 hours away, I am taking advantage of the fact that I am a SAHM (stay at home mom) and spending some time each month up there.

One side of my ginormous family

2) I love my husband and I love that he will do whatever he has to, to support our family. That includes him working 60+ hour weeks. This means I spend a lot of time alone with Miller and going to TN gives me some extra hands to entertain him.

Photo by J Henderson Studios

3) I have made some of the best friends here who have become our little GA family. Since having Miller, everyone has gotten so busy (and a few of them pregnant) that I hardly see anyone. I am so happy for everyone and understand, but going to TN gives me people to talk to besides a 4 month old (almost 5 month....eek!!).

Yes, all three of other ladies in this picture are pregnant. Fertile water down here.

I feel so conflicted because I feel like I belong in both places. While in TN it is nice to be with my family and have other people to play with Miller. I got to go out a few times by myself and Ben and I got to go out twice without the baby when he was there. I feel like going there is important for my sanity. Not to mention, it is great that Miller gets to be around other people besides myself. For the first few days, he was a little crabby with others but by the end of the week, he was smiling for everyone.

In GA, I have my husband and friends, but I hardly see any of them lately. I have tried to join a few moms groups but whenever we have meetings, something comes up (baby is sick, meeting cancelled, I get lost, etc). In the 2.5 months since I joined them, I have been to a grand total of one event.

I know I could suck it up and just stay in GA full time but I believe that I could go crazy and that Miller and I would be so isolated. I also think my family would kill me. I know that Ben and I are a family but he knew well before marrying me, that he was marrying my whole big family. It is important for me to include them in our life.

Thank you for listening if you have made it through this. I just needed to get that out there. Back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow.