Rant: Post Baby Body

Deep breaths.....

Okay, I want to post this but I was so scared to put this on the internet. I feel like I need to because it is something I have been struggling with a lot lately.

I loved being pregnant but was so scared of what it would do to my body. I have struggled with my weight for a long time and had just recently got it under control when I got pregnant. As I watched the scale go up with each appointment, I cursed it because I knew I would have to deal with it afterward. I actually only gained 38 lbs which is still within the range of a healthy pregnancy and I swear that I was not overeating. During my first trimester I only gained a few pounds, in my second it came piling on and in my third I stopped gaining, all of that without changing my eating habits.

After Miller was born, I  quickly dropped 20lbs but the last 18lbs, would not go away. I can not diet since I am breastfeeding and do not want it to affect my supply. I try to work out but with wrangling the baby most of  the day, my only workout I get is a nice walk in some days. I actually stopped weighing myself back in January so I have no idea where I am at. I am hoping that once Miller weans, which I have no idea when we will do that, I can lose the rest of the weight.


.....deep breaths....be brave.....

Here is me 1 week postpartum with Miller and then 6 months postpartum. I feel like Miller is faring better than I am. 

This is me at 7 weeks pregnant (my skinniest pregnancy picture) and then 6 months postpartum. I actually did a layover of the pictures and there is not much difference, which I think is my big problem. I feel like the pounds I can justify to a little excess in my belly and chest but in general everything is different and those changes make a world of difference in my clothes.

Here is the big comparison shot. 7 weeks pregnant, last belly shot at 40weeks1 day, 1 week postpartum and 6 months postpartum. 

I am not sure why I am posting this but I think it is interesting to see the difference. I know I should love my body for what it did, creating and carrying a healthy baby and now nourishing him still, but I am having a hard time. I feel like I do not belong in my skin and this is the first time I feel like I can not do anything about it. I am not sure how long Miller will be nursing but I would really like to try to lose this weight as soon as he is done. I do not want to be one of those people where weight keeps compounding on top of each other with each pregnancy. I struggled long enough with my weight that I want to keep it under control.

*Update*- I actually wrote this post back in early May but kept delaying hitting the Publish button. Recently, we took Miller to the pool so I had to try on my bathing suits, and they did not look horrible. While I was digging those out, I came across my skinny jeans. Now I have tried those darn things on twice already since having Miller and they were tight. I pretty much stared them down and decided to try them on and see how I was doing. They fit! They were snug but they actually fit.

I had a crazy moment and decided to bite the bullet and weigh myself. My plan was to not weigh myself until Miller was weaning so I could start dieting. I actually feared that I would step on the scale and weigh more than the 18 lbs post pregnancy that I had hanging around. I was shocked to see that I was actually down 9 lbs from that, which means only 9 lbs from my goal weight. Nothing has changed except maybe being a little more active chasing around a crawling baby. I am still not planning on dieting until later on but this was so encouraging to see.